Moronic Musings

and other junk as it occurs to me.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Messin' With The Young'uns

Here are some ways to have a little fun with people under the age of 30:

If the satellite or cable goes out, tell them to run outside and turn the antenna.

Refer to every cell phone as a "pay phone murderer."

Tell them the next big thing in movie entertainment will be Technicolor.

Call them "Grasshopper" and watch amusedly as they try to puzzle out what you mean.

Try to convey the sense of horror you used to feel at the thought of having an empty Coke bottle thrown at you from a moving vehicle.

Teach them how Coke bottles could be turned into a drink and a snack at the corner store.

Try to convince them that most people used to actually walk to the corner store.

Explain the purpose of front porches on houses. This works best if you do it over iced tea on the front porch.

Every once in a while, ask them if their cell phones are party lines.

Rant about how complicated it was to select songs of the perfect length to fit on your mix tapes. Then share how exasperating it was to wait for the DJ to shut up so you could get a clean recording of your favorite song.

Hand them a gallon jug and say "that's about what my first cell phone was like."

Describe how The Bomb we worried about and the bombs they worry about are two entirely different things. Then have a conversation about how courage works no matter what generation you come from.

Illuminate them about the joys of jumping up and down on a car to get its bumper unlocked from another car.

Tell them that every single American used to be required by law to get shot in the arm in order to prove their loyalty and how tough they were. Then have all your friends show them your vaccine scars.

Feel free to comment with more ideas for messin' with the young'uns!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Push Through

Have you ever been walking along a sidewalk and noticed how nearly every crack has a flower or a shoot of grass coming through? Nature's amazing like that. It has an unrelenting drive to push through to the light no matter what is laid on top of it.

People are the same way (we're part of nature, after all). No matter what life throws at us, we make it to the surface. Irrepressible, we rise to the occasion.

That's what you're going to do today. You will recognize what's covering you up, you'll notice cracks in that pavement or chinks in that wall, and you'll find a way. You should be able to recognize these passages- no matter how tiny- because a little light always shines through.

Push through!

More Than Meets The Eye

You are the ultimate Transformer.

These days, everyone knows all about the giant alien robots that can change themselves into vehicles. What some people might not be aware of is that they have an advantage over even those marvelous morphing machines.

The advantage is this: you aren't limited to just one or two forms. While an Autobot or a Decepticon typically only changes from vehicle to robot and back again, you can become anything you want. You are limited only by your imagination. You have the tools at your disposal to perform any number of amazing feats, create an unlimited array of marvels.

Want a city at the bottom of the ocean? Build it. Feel the desire to colonize Mars? Go for it. These seem like ridiculous notions, but are they really? The thing that we forget sometimes is that we don't just have the capacity to change ourselves; we can also transform our surroundings. We can literally change the world. Just a few years ago, smart phones were unheard of. Mass produced electric vehicles were science fiction. The Internet was inconceivable.

But you know what you are capable of. You have boundless possibilities.

Now go make Optimus Prime jealous.