Moronic Musings

and other junk as it occurs to me.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Guy Stuff

I like guy stuff.  Which is good, since I'm a guy.  But being a "word" guy and somewhat artsy-fartsy, my friends are sometimes surprised when I tell them that I changed my brakes or fixed the mower.  This bothers me a little, because while I don't pretend to be a testosterone-laden Cro-Magnon, I also take pride in the fact that I have never been referred to as a "metrosexual."  Not by anyone whose opinion on these matters I respect, anyway.  Ahem.  So when someone is surprised that I do have some mechanical acumen, I have to do a re-check to make sure that I'm not too sissified.  But my actions just this very day have reaffirmed to me, if no one else, that I'm a Man, make no mistake about it.  Here is a snippet of my day:

1. Googled images of Coop art.  If you do this, be warned.  These are images that you'd see on the wall of a garage specializing in hot rods or as flash in a tattoo studio.  Coop draws pictures of curvy ladies, usually as devils, sometimes as aliens, but always naughty, and always provocative.  I'm not providing a link because many would consider it offensive.  It's not pornography, but it's not something that you'd want sitting out on your desk at work.  Coop apparently appreciates a more voluptuous female figure (smart man), and he also apparently has no qualms about what others think of his artwork.  This is one of the reasons I was Googling his art.  I found it through another art link I visit sometimes, and it intrigued me.  I am often amazed how an artist can make a few carefully rendered lines look like something alive and sensual and beautiful.  Also, I Googled it because I'm a dude and can't help it.

2. Bought a new tool bag.  When I say tool bag, let me clarify.  Here is how I described it in a message to Jen, my beloved bride (who, for the record, thinks the Coop art is pretty cool): "It looks like it was built to be used by Ultimate Fighters from the Scottish highlands who are working on an oil rig with TNT."  If Batman were a carpenter, he'd have this bag in his Bat-truck.  It is my understanding that Chuck Norris once said that he hoped that he never got stuffed into one of these bags, because he feared that it would be the one thing that he wouldn't be able to roundhouse kick his way out of.  This is a serious bag.  If you explore the site, you will see that CLC Toolworks makes much more serious bags than the one I purchased.  This shows that a) I have limited funds and b) while I am a man, I'm not over the top about it.  Pretension just isn't my bag.  No apologies for the pun.

3. Moved a couch.  Mother-in-law got a new living room suite, gave the old one to someone.  Called me to move it.  'Nuff said.

4. Unclogged our bathroom sink drains.  I know, you're probably saying that any ninny can unclog a drain.  But who does it with a product with the brand name "Liquid Fire?"  You got it.  A guy, that's who.  The warning label on this stuff is longer than the directions.  Oh, and the directions are pretty much a warning label, too.  Know why?  Because the manufacturers know that their product is being used by dudes who ignore warning labels.  They also mostly ignore directions, but there are a few out there like me who want to make repairs on their homes without having to replace their homes.  Sure, they may have to replace their drain pipes, but at least they end up with clear drains.

5. Replaced my drain pipes.  Just as a general principle, dear reader, it is not wise to use a drain opener called "Liquid Fire" on pipes that are older than you are.  I'm just saying.  At least no beasts or humans were harmed in the unclogging and subsequent replacing of the pipes.

So there you go, A Day In The Life.  I may not be the burliest, most manly man in the world, but I'm no nancy-boy.  Apologies to my friends named Nancy.  I didn't make up the term, I just love using it on guys who don't know how to fix anything on their own cars and have never unclogged a drain (or replaced one).  Suffice it to say that occasionally, I revel in guyness.  For some silly reason, I used to think that was a bad thing, probably because Hollywood seems to ridicule anyone who tries to be him or herself, while claiming that everyone should do that very thing.  Nowadays, I say go ahead, let your testosterone level show once in a while.  You're not hurting anyone, and those shirt buttons can be replaced.

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