Remembering The Promise

In my last entry, "A Promise Made," I talked about a few of the events in my life that led to my making a promise to myself and others that I would not allow selfish, mean people cause harm to people who couldn't defend themselves.  The events were recalled to the best of my ability and, to my knowledge, are not exaggerated.  Much more happened to me as a child, but I felt that these were the most representative of my overall childhood experience.  I used them simply to make a point that even in a harsh, harmful environment, people can still see through the scum on the windows and realize that the sun is shining outside.  That said, I never want to give the impression that my childhood was one long episode of hell.  If you have read my previous posts, you are aware that I have had the blessing of people in my life who loved and guided me well.  It is from having these people around me that I learned a principle that has played a part in my attempt to keep the Promise thus far in my life.

One would think that this kind of promise made as a broken child would lead me to become a defense lawyer or activist or some other type of "white knight," holding high the standard of justice for all to see.  Perhaps I could have gone that route (grades notwithstanding), but that just never seemed to be my style.  Instead, I kept my eyes and ears open.  It isn't something that can be explained, but there was always a feeling, a hint, that as time went by that more knowledge and understanding would come to me and that everything would be okay.  I always felt that God had His hand in my life and was protecting me.  Looking back, I can clearly see that things could have been much worse than they were for me; I will never doubt the idea of Providence.

As I grew older and survived the terrible awkwardness of adolescence and the even worse affliction of that boundless arrogance that comes with young adulthood, a picture began to form in my mind of how I might be able to keep the Promise and become of some actual use to the planet.  It occurred to me that the reason I wasn't a drug-addicted criminal or a robber or rapist or thief was that there were people in my life who served as a barrier against such wrong turns.  What I came to realize was that just a little bit of love can go a long way toward bringing a kid up right.  Anyone who knows me well has probably heard me say (more than once, I'd bet) that "just one or two good people" in a kid's life can make all the difference in the world.  If you doubt this, ask anyone who came out of difficult circumstances and made something of himself.  You will most certainly hear stories about a person or persons in his life who saw him as a valuable individual with potential.

My point in all this rambling is this: If you're capable of being aware of the people around you - even if you're damaged goods like I am - you can spot kids who need an anchor in their lives.  If you can and do, you have a responsibility.  You read me right.  If you can see the need in a kid, you have the job of telling him that he has value, and that you can see it, and that you believe in him.  Then you should actually believe in him.  If he messes up, tell him that it's okay, you've done the very same thing (you have, admit it) and it's not the end of the world.  If more young people can see that doing something stupid or imperfectly doesn't result in everyone around them trying to take them out like a pack of wild dogs, they'll be more willing to get up and try again.  And they'll later become that person to someone else, the person who believes.  This isn't a new idea.  Don't believe me?  Look here.

I never know if my ramblings are cogent enough to get my point across, but I hope they do.  I believe that one of the main objectives in this life is to learn how to live outside of ourselves.  If you study any of the world's major religions you will find that this is one of their main overriding principles.  Looking beyond ourselves and reaching out to others makes us better.  I'm working on it.  Are you?

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The last post I wrote apparently took a lot out of me, because it's been a month since I last posted.  A dear friend recently sent me some encouragement in an instant message that said "Blog!  BLOOOOGG!"  Thank you, JDK, for the gentle reminder.

Another Decade, Another Dollar

Well, it's December 31, 2009 and here we are.  We of the human race have somehow managed to make it to the end of another decade without destroying ourselves or being the victims of a global cataclysm.  Just exactly how we managed to survive is beyond me, given our propensity for war, calamity and the building of Large Hadron Colliders.  But still, here we are.  I'm deeply disappointed by the fact that a full decade into the 21st century we still don't have flying cars or android butlers, but I'm nevertheless encouraged that we haven't nuked ourselves out of existence and galactic memory.


My friends on that mother of all social networking sites, Facebook, are posting all kinds of questions about what people's new year's resolutions are, what highlights they hit in 2009, and even if their friends can sum the year up in two words (mine was "fine mess").  Being the introspective sort that I am, I'd rather take a look at what I've learned this year:

1. I've learned that no matter how I try to be something I am not, the Me that really is comes through anyway, so I might as well just be the original me.  I've also learned that the "real me" is actually an okay person, and I'm accepting that.  I don't think that I'm trying to meet some arbitrary, unattainable standard like I have for so long.  I have goals and ambitions that I work toward, but I'm no longer quite as hard on myself as I used to be.


2. I learned that Mojitos are tasty.


3. I've learned that I do not have to allow other people's hangups and problems become mine.  If you have your own special brand of crazy, good for you.  I don't need any; I'm good.  As Jack Nicholson so eloquently put it in As Good As It Gets, "Go sell crazy someplace else.  We're all stocked up here."  Some people seem to make it their life's work to draw other people into the morass that is their self-induced tragedy, and I've unfortunately fallen into that in the past.  Thankfully, I have a few friends around me who are so very grounded and sensible that I've been able to learn from their examples and be more conscientious about my own psychological defenses.  Basically, if you try to bring the drama, I'm gonna shut you down.


4. It's not a good idea to eat Italian for lunch and Mexican for dinner.  Trust me on this.


5. I have amazing friends who support me even when I don't think I deserve it.  Two things have reminded me of this in the past few months: my initiating this blog and my 40th birthday party.  I have received some very meaningful encouragement about my writing from people whom I admire and respect, and it has been the main reason that I'm still trying to get on here and write.  I know this is my first entry in over a month, but I'm still at it.  My 40th birthday party was better than I had hoped for.  I told Jen that I wanted a "big-ass party" for that milestone birthday, and she delivered.  Robin and Carmen, two of my dearest friends from high school, actually flew up from Florida for the event.  Just seeing them was enough to make it a chart topper, but there were so many of my friends, co-workers and family there that I felt like Lou Gehrig: "...today -ay-ay... I consider myeslf -elf-elf... the luckiest -est-est man -an-an... on the face -ace-ace... of the Earth -earth-earth."  Thank you, friends old and new.  Thank you, family.  And thank you, Sue, for the use of your beautiful home.


6. Love can get you through a lot of crap.  This sounds oversimplified, but it's true.  It doesn't matter if it's issues involving kids, friends, or your spouse.  If you love them and you mean it and - and this is the important part - you show it, things can and almost always will work out.  This year, Jen and I have seen our family healed in ways that we had only hoped for.  We're still very much a work in progress, but we're gaining ground every day.  As I write this, 3 of our 4 kids are here with us playing Rock Band II and having a great time.  The fourth is at work and will be here later.  1 Peter 4:8 (NIV) says "Love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  This is the truth; I've seen it firsthand.

That's my list of a few things I've learned in 2009.  What about you?  Learn anything good?  Let me hear about it.

Happy New Year!  May you be blessed and enriched in 2010.

Crisis Averted; Let's Work A Crossword.

I am very proud of my lovely wife, Jen. We recently had a situation in our home that required some high level parenting skills. Being that I'm a step-dad, my role in this situation was more to observe, offer my insights, then duck and cover. Jen weighed the options available, rolled up her sleeves and did what had to be done. I won't go into details here; that stuff is moot. What's important is that about 2 or 3 years ago, Jen admittedly wouldn't have (or couldn't have) handled the events the way she did. She just didn't have the capacity or the knowledge of what to do. She realized this, however, and began working toward being a better mother and a better person.

Besides taking an opportunity to gratuitously brag about my wife, I bring this up because I've always been amazed at the capacity people have to grow and improve, no matter where they come from or what they've been through. The best kind of people to have around you are people who are continuously seeking to improve upon their knowledge, abilities and character. Show me a person who doesn't live this way, and I'll show you a person who has already peaked and is just running on fumes.

It doesn't take a lot of time or effort to be a lifelong learner. What it does require is a commitment. It doesn't matter if you work a crossword every morning, check the tip of the day on your favorite geek site or buy your bimonthly copy of Mental Floss. Just do something. The benefits can be tangible. Research shows that a lack of education can even result in a greater risk of developing Alzheimer's (see one article here).

So let's make the choice to get off our brains and learn something today. You don't have to research for a thesis. Just learn something. You'll be richer for the experience, you'll have more to contribute to the world, and you might even impress your friends while playing Cranium. Hey, maybe you'll meet your soul mate. Everyone knows that smarts are sexy. Right?